Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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