You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize