is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
