Dual....:-)
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
