im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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