I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
