at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
