My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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