paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
