He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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