It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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