I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
