I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
