ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
