we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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