I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We just shotgunned beers for America
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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