My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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