I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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