you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
