I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
