I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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