I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I pour the whiskey from now on
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
