I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
