I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
