sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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