I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
