She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
