i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
