What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
