mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm passing your future prison.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She bit a glass in half.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
