Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
