some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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