I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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