I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
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I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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