Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
