and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
