she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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