Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
