I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
