You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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