I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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