dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
