I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
