I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
