My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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