I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I looked at my own cervix.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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