I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
