The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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