how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
