If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
