Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
