dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
