Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
