you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
