ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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