he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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