I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
dude. I can hear the air.
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