did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
