God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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