What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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