i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
