It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
