it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
