You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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