here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
