He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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