The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
