When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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