Im at strip club and am horny
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
