sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
