So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
