I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
