I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
