So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
