It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
