don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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