You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
